I have a set of rules. They’re rules for me, no one else. They started out as Gibbs’s rules from the television show NCIS, but over the years I’ve removed a lot of the ones that didn’t apply and I’ve added a lot that were more specific to me. This is one of them.
Rule #17: Risk is part of the game.
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| "Risk is part of the game [if] you want to sit in that chair." |
It’s a quote from Star Trek: Generations, in which Captain James T. Kirk gently admonishes a young, rookie captain that if he wants to sit in the Big Chair, he needs to understand that his job is not to play it safe. A captain’s job is to risk.
That’s not to say that anyone should take undue risks. Kirk
has often been known to advise caution, or to get his ship and his crew to
safety, or to not make stupid decisions. Although often remembered as reckless,
Kirk was never one to take unwarranted or unnecessary risks. He wasn’t a loose
cannon. But when the situation called for risk, when lives were at stake or his
ship was on the line, he wasn’t afraid to take risks in the name of a greater
cause. He wasn’t afraid to take personal risks to achieve his goals or complete
his mission. Jim Kirk was the epitome of taking measured, calculated risks, and
that’s what he was trying to impress upon his younger counterpart.
In my life, I’ve often tended to play it safe. I don’t enjoy
rejection or failure; no one really does. But I’ve often felt that I’ve been
rejected or hurt or embarrassed so often in my life that I never wanted to
experience that again. I especially wanted to play everything safe when my kids
were little because they were the most important people in my life. I never
wanted them to suffer for any risks I took.
The problem, I’ve only realized in the last few years, is
that isn’t living. Life involves risk and failure. Life involves picking
yourself up and trying again. Sometimes life involves taking a chance in the
name of something that’s important. I’ve never been very good at that, but I’m
trying. I’ve never been very good at going after what I want; I always prioritize
other people or other needs or the rules or anything other than myself.
Sometimes it’s really just an excuse to not put myself out there, to stay in my
safe place and not to engage with the world on its terms. Sometimes I lie to
myself.
I’m 47 years old; breaking out of that habit isn’t going to
be easy, but I’m trying.